Courtesy – A Forgotten Way of Living
Good day to each of you reading this column on the long and lost art of courtesy in today’s society.
I received my Beyond Today booklet in the mail and they had an article on courtesy that I read to my wife.
I will take some articles from this magazine along with my thoughts and Biblical sayings to add to the article.
In today’s hustle and bustle, all too many time the word courteous or the act to be courtesy is lost and forgotten. Simple gestures in life like opening doors, greeting a person with a smile or a simple Hello, saying please, saying thank you, being gracious or respectful, or just being nice to those around has been lost.
Our very culture is a sped-up world with no signs of kindness for your fellow man or your neighbor. This type of behavior is not found everywhere, but when you are out, do you see random types of kindness or courtesy being shown in the public?
Where is the civility in our society and have we become callous to our neighbor that we don’t provide the time of day for that person? Have we become a self-absorbed society so nothing interferes with us?
What are we saying and showing our children as to the proper ways of being courteous and thoughtful?
Turn with me to 2 Timothy 3:1-4 (NIV) 3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—
I truly believe Paul was ahead of his time for we are living in the times written above. Instead of being courteous to your neighbor, many of the above traits come to light and the scene turns ugly.
As you read the above verses, you must agree that you have met or that you have seen those who are full of themselves, flaunt their money and will try to destroy you over a penny, the “it’s about me” person, let me tell you all the things I have done, verbal and physical abuse toward the spouse, the child or another person, disobedient and disrespectful to the parent, other children or people they come in contact, no thanks ever muttered, written or shown, unholy toward you and your beliefs, no love for their fellow man, will not forgive under any circumstance whether in writing or speaking, spreads lies and gossip to make themselves look better, out of control & irrational behavior toward their fellow man, just “plain out mean” physically or emotionally if they don’t get their way, love depraving things and have evil thoughts, finding ways to do evil, do things quickly and without thought or rationality, full of pride, and would rather do evil than good.
A question for you—do you build people up or tear them down? If you have a family, do you build your children up or tear them down? If you had a role model, who would that be? How about Jesus who was compassionate to all whether they be rich or poor, old or young, leaders and followers.
Would you say you have the same traits as Jesus which is loving the person as they are and showing them respect and courtesy when you meet with them? The “self or me” movement is in full swing and all too many parents are not teaching their children to be courteous, loving, and with humility.
Before I get into the children subject, turn to Luke 6:31 (NIV) 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Remember this phrase as you were growing up? I’m sure you would agree that you can’t stand being around the people that 2 Timothy talks about and that you want to get as far away as possible.
Courtesy should have an effect on those receiving that courteous gesture and then reciprocated to others. Unfortunately, we see our society in these last days as continuing a downward spiral into the “it’s about me” attitude and discourteous conduct toward our fellow man.
Fellow Christian here’s the verse for each of us—Mark 12:29-31 (NIV) 29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a]30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[b]31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no commandment greater than these.”
You can love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength but you are to also love your neighbor as yourself.
As for children, they are the mirrors of their parents—children will try your patience and test you on every subject and action.
Please take the time to read the following article taken from Beyond Today—Courtesy… Small Acts, Priceless Results:
Parents: Teach and model courteous conduct
Although children are born with several inherent abilities, behaving courteously is not generally one of them. Parents have the critical responsibility to teach their offspring courteous behavior and model it, so it becomes nearly an automatic bearing.
Early childhood educator Donohue Shortridge wrote about a situation she experienced:
“A few weeks ago, I arrived at a hotel to check in, only to find that my room would not be ready for quite some time. There had been a pop concert nearby the night before, attended mostly by moms and their teenage daughters. Apparently, the moms spent their after-event time at the bar, while their teens proceeded to trash their hotel rooms, blast loud music and run wild in the hallways until 3 a.m. The next morning, housekeepers were overwhelmed by a tsunami of debris: lipstick on mirrors and wet trash everywhere. As I sat in the lobby contemplating this uncivilized behavior, I asked myself, how does this happen?” (“Grace and Courtesy Beyond Please and Thank You,” Montessori Life, Summer 2017).
Professor Shortridge continued by saying, “So if there is anything you want your child to know how to do, or a way you want him or her to behave, you should first model it, then show him or her how to do it [and] offer lots of opportunities for practice.”
Noted early 20th-century educator Dr. Maria Montessori wrote: “A child is an eager observer and is particularly attracted by the actions of the adults and wants to imitate them. In this regard, an adult can have a kind of mission. He can be an inspiration for the child’s actions, a kind of open book, wherein a child can learn how to direct his own movements” (quoted in “Modeling Grace and Courtesy,” Greenspring Montessori School, April 6, 2017).
One Montessori school website notes, “Children soak up knowledge and experiences from their environment. Unlike adults, who learn through conscious effort, children in their early years absorb information effortlessly and unconsciously, much like a sponge soaking up water” (“The Absorbent Mind: Unlocking Your Child’s Potential in Montessori Casa,” NorthStarMontessori.ca, Sept. 4, 2024).
Children are born with an amazing ability to absorb information. For better or worse, they are soaking up everything they see, feel and hear. Teaching your child good behavior really comes down to what you, the parent or guardian, are modeling with your own behavior. Therefore, it’s essential that parents continually demonstrate proper conduct until their children routinely repeat those skills when interacting with others. Whether good or bad, children will often act out what they see at home.
Teaching and modeling courteous behavior to children extends to modesty in dress, respectful language, good table manners, appropriate cell phone use and other forms of etiquette. In addition, parents need to educate their children consistently from the Bible about morality, ethics and personal integrity (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).
In this regard, I would like to give you a brief example from my youth. I grew up in a large family that included my parents, three brothers and four sisters. At dinnertime every evening all 10 of us sat down at the table in our assigned seats. My parents served portions on our plates, and everyone waited to begin eating until after everyone had been served and after my father had led a short prayer of thanks in which we all participated.
No loud talking was permitted during the meal, nor was getting out of our chairs without permission. If we wanted more of a particular food item or perhaps the salt or pepper shaker, we needed to address the person nearest that item by name and say, “Please pass the [particular item].” After the main portion of the meal was complete, the two children whose assignment it was for that specific week would help my mother clear the table and serve the dessert. Again, we were all expected to wait until everyone was served before eating the dessert. At the conclusion of the meal, we were not permitted to leave the table without asking, “May I please be excused?”
There were other dinner rules too. Everyone needed to wash their hands before sitting down, no books or other reading material were allowed and the television was not on. If the phone rang, it was answered, but the party was politely asked to call back a short time later.
The etiquette and courtesy we were taught as children brought peace and order to our lives and gave us a good foundation on which to build for the future.
The author, John LaBissoniere makes all so many valid points when it comes to parents teaching and modeling courteous conduct.
Here are few verses that I picked out on children for you to ponder:
Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV)
3 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
Proverbs 17:6 (NIV)
6 Children’s children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children
Proverbs 29:17 (NIV)
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;they will bring you the delights you desire.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
As you read this article about parents teaching & modeling courteous conduct, I ask you how many times have you been out in public and been disgusted by the way the child acts toward the parent?
Have you seen a four-year-old tell his parent yes when the parent said no or shook his finger at the parent? Have you seen the child make an absolute mess at the supper table by throwing food, spitting food out or putting his nose up to what was being served?
Have you seen the child threaten the parent or laugh at the parent knowing nothing would happen? Have you been around a child who bites and scratches other children because he didn’t get his way? Have you met a defiant child?
Have you been where a child begins eating before you even get your plate? Parents, do you have chaos in the kitchen and at the table before you begin to eat?
These are serious questions to be asked for I have seen many of these things in person and I am thoroughly disgusted by this type of behavior.
There are no explanations, no conclusions nor summations about this type of behavior of the child that is acceptable. Courteous behavior begins with the parents and passed on to the child or children.
Skills are to be taught and as the article says, teaching and modeling courteous behavior to children extends to modesty in dress, respectful language, good table manners, appropriate cell phone use and other forms of etiquette. In addition, parents need to educate their children consistently from the Bible about morality, ethics and personal integrity (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).
Are kids going to “cut up”, yes, but they are also to be disciplined and taught courteous behavior and table manners when at home.
If you want perfect advice, then go the source, the Bible:
Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV)
11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.[a]
Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Hebrews 12:11(NIV)
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Proverbs 22:15
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”
As I close, I value your thoughts and look forward to hearing from you for, as Paul says, we are in the last days and we are seeing those who are 2 People that will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—
We see it, we hear it and we want to be no part it, so we must train our offspring not to be a part of it also. Discipline and love!
Here are three verses for you, the father to remember:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” – Proverbs 29:17
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” – Colossians 3:21
As a father, it is your duty before God to follow his every word and to teach as well as exhibit courteous behavior to your spouse, your children and those who you may come in contact with.
And always remember the “golden rule”—Matthew 7:12.
12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
