Divorce – Part 3
Good day to each of reading part 3 on divorce as I hope you enjoyed part 2 and that it enlightened your day and gave you inspiration.
Now it is time to see what the Bible says about divorce and compare to man’s laws on the subject of divorce.
Forbes, we have the following divorces:
Fault Divorces: The grounds (or reasons) for a fault divorce can vary by state, but typically you can pursue a fault divorce based on the following justifications:
- Adultery
- Habitual drunkenness or intoxication
- Felony conviction or imprisonment
- Insanity resulting in confinement to an institution or considered incurable
- Desertion or neglect
- Extreme cruelty
No-Fault Divorce
No-fault divorces are now universally available and many couples opt for a no-fault divorce for simplicity. A no-fault divorce occurs when the grounds (or reason) for ending the marriage are irreconcilable differences.
Although there are differences between states, in general irreconcilable differences mean that the marriage has broken down due to the differences between you and there is no chance of recovery.
Contested Divorce
A contested divorce is a divorce in which you and your partner are unable to agree on some aspect of your divorce settlement. You may disagree on whether to divorce at all, how property or debt should be divided, how to share custody, on child or spousal support or any other important matter that must be resolved for your marriage to end.
Uncontested Divorce
An uncontested divorce is a divorce in which you and your spouse agree on a divorce settlement and do not need a court to resolve any issues for you. You draft a separation agreement (or come to terms for the divorce judgment you provide to the court) and parenting plan by working together.
Litigated Divorce
A litigated divorce is a traditional method of resolving issues that arise during divorce that you cannot compromise on. You go to court and pursue a contested divorce and ask the judge to make decisions on custody, support or property division if you pursue this type of divorce.
Mediated Divorce
With a mediated divorce, you and your spouse opt to try to resolve conflicts without asking a judge to do it for you. A third-party mediator is hired to help facilitate discussion and open communication so you can more easily find compromise.
Collaborative Divorce
A collaborative divorce involves both spouses hiring attorneys who specialize in this type of divorce. The attorneys commit to working out a settlement to divorce and agree they will not litigate the case. You and your spouse agree to share information and try to find compromise even if this involves many meetings.
What does this have in common? The attorneys win and you pay them plenty of money to be single again. Instead of marrying to the plan that God gave you, you are now paying the price of a divorce.
We can think of reasons to divorce and justify to ourselves as well as our friends and loved ones but God is not amused for God wants to bless the marriage and have the two united as one as that is why the marriage vows are said to each other verbally before a pastor and God.
My wife and I had a discussion on extreme cruelty or a male beating or hitting his spouse and if these were grounds for a divorce. If this were the old days, the law would be in the hands of the posse or a few men getting together to take the man out to the shed and give him a good lesson. If this persists, then the man was strung up and hung! Problem solved, but then was then and now is now.
Way back in the Old Testament, the Israelites had this problem of divorce, turn to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (KJV) 24 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.
3 And if the latter husband hates her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
Upon reading this text, one must read all four verses to get the full meaning so allow me to quote the NIV breakdown as some may think this passage supports divorce, but this is not the case. It simply recognizes a practice that already existed in Israel. The above four verses are not suggesting that a man divorce his wife on a whim. Divorce was a permanent and final act for the couple. Once divorced and remarried to others, they could never be remarried to each other (24:4). This restriction was to prevent casual remarriage after a frivolous separation. The intention was to make people think twice before divorcing. Unfortunately, the American society in all too many cases disregards marriage and resorts to the “irrevocable differences” or just growing apart.
Think twice about divorcing and not working at marriage don’t go together for it is too easy to throw in the towel when things get rough. Money troubles and debt seem to be excuses as to why married couples divorce and the Bible speak in volumes about debt. Irrevocable differences, or the couple is simply stating that their problems have become so bad, they cannot be brought back into harmony. So where is the marriage counsellor or pastor in these cases?
Look at what Jesus said about divorce in Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV) 31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[a]32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Marriage is to be a lifetime & permanent commitment, not a temporary solution, a lustful relationship, someone who truly does not love the partner or the marriage has become so bad, that it cannot be brought into harmonyis . As for marital unfaithfulness, the word “unfaithfulness” implies a sexually immoral life-style, not a confessed and repented act of adultery.
Matthew 19:3-9 (NIV) 3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a]5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Sexual immorality or adultery is the only solution for divorce per Jesus and not because your hearts were hard and a man-made excuse given to end the marriage such as incompatibility.
The other question that arises in marriage is that if one marries an unbeliever, does that negate the marriage and permit the believer to marry another person who may be a believer?
Look at 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (NIV) 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Let’s break this down using the Wycliffe Bible Commentary as verse 12 says but what of marriages in which one of the parties has become a Christian? Jewish law required the unbeliever to be put away (cf. Ezr 9:1-10:44). Again, the rule is, no separation.
14. For. The first reason is that the unbelieving partner and the children of a mixed marriage are sanctified. This does not mean that a child born into a home where only one of the parents is a Christian is born “into the family of Christ” (cf. Barclay, op. cit. p. 71). Paul simply means that the OT principle of the communication of uncleanness does not hold (cf. Hag 2:11-13). The union is lawful and confers privilege on the members (cf. ICC, p. 142), privileges such as the protection of God and the opportunity of being in close contact with one in God’s family. This might ease the path to conversion for the unbelieving.
15. A second reason for the reservation of the union is found in the fact that God has called to peace. A curiously ambiguous situation, however, exists. Some interpreters feel that Paul here encourages the believer to permit the separation in the interests of preserving peace, if the unbeliever desires to depart. There might be war otherwise! On the other hand, Paul’s thought may be separation should be prevented, if at all possible, since that would disrupt the peace of the marriage union. The general principle of the content (vv.10,11) favors the second view, as well as the following verse. Nothing is said about the second marriage for the believer; it is vain to put words in Paul’s mouth when he is silent. It is true that the verb “to depart” in the middle voice (it is middle in this verse) was almost a technical term for the papyri (MM, p 695, 696). This really proves nothing.
16. For. The third reason for no separationis that the salvation of the other member may be accomplished through preservation of the union. Others understand the statement to mean that separation should be willingly agreed to, since no one can ever know whether the partner will be converted or not. The general content favors the former view. But it is not easy to determine what Paul meant.
The question that comes to mind is that if both parties went before the pastor for marriage counselling before they got married. Pastors that I spoken with know the questions to ask each person to determine the compatibility and spiritual state of each person.
This would eliminate the concern that one or both parties are unbelievers and the problems that they would be facing in the future.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what [a]fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what [b]communion has light with darkness?
It is essential to be “equally yoked” or to share the spiritual beliefs and morals as the person you are marrying.
This concludes my thoughts on divorce and unfortunately, the easy path our laws that have been created to make divorce so easy to get.
As in all too many things, we take the path of least resistance instead of looking at the long term which includes making a marriage work in the good and bad times.
Divorce gives no winners except the attorneys and if children are involved the situation becomes very traumatic.
Most of all, God takes a very dim of divorce for He wants the man and woman to be married, have children, and enjoy his blessings, yet divorce has made its appearance and man has used this word “divorce” as a vehicle to see if the “grass is greener” on the other side because he or she was not happy in their present state of marriage. Excuses are abundant, so keep them and try to explain them on judgment day.
Stay tuned for the next lesson as we tackle relevant subjects in our world today.
